12.21.2006

If I Only Had A Brain

So I made a big pan of almond toffee. Covered in chocolate. With crushed almond sprinkles. I had stirred it over a hot stove for almost thirty minutes to get it to hardball stage. It was beautiful.

Grandma said that the best thing is to put it outside to cool off really quickly. I thought that was also a good idea, so I wouldn't have to rearrange the refrigerator and all.

The next thing I knew, I was outside screaming at a squirrel who ran away and up a tree and proceeded to chew me out from his branch. After the Brita pitcher debacle, this was one serious lapse in judgment on my part. I know what my boys will do with a given opportunity - how could I not consider what a squirrel would do with almonds galore?

I picked up the upside-down pan...the sheet of toffee stayed on the ground, I lifted it like the caramelized body that it was and brought it in, refusing to lose all that butter and sugar, and the scrumptious almonds. Picking the pine needles out of the melted chocolate was hopeless and that's when I began to sob.

Then I pulled myself together enough to scrape the chocolate and pine off and melt some new chocolate. Everything was going to be OK.

Then I tried a corner of it and it nearly took my back teeth out. Apparently didn't stir it long enough. Maybe I'll give it back to the squirrel so he can experience the need for dental work.

And maybe the candy making can wait another year.

13 comments:

Morning Glory said...

Awww, that's horrible! Maybe it's a good thing there's a squirrel to eat it for you, although after all that sugar, he'll probably be a completely hyper squirrel.

Theresa said...

I'm thinking "Over the Hedge" squirrel!!!

I'm so sorry for all of the work you did and then didn't get to profit from.

Try it again, hopefully all will be better the second time.

Katrina said...

Oh, I'm so sorry... That squirrel really should learn some manners.

Carrotjello said...

I have come to the conclusion that squirrels are not only evil, but are placed on this earth to teach us a lesson. What lesson that is, I have yet to figure out.

Antique Mommy said...

There is nothing more disheartening that a failed batch of baking - all that time, and all the expensive ingredients and worst of all - all that mess for nothing. I hope at least you get some good squirrel revenge out of it.

tara said...

I made one batch of toffee a week or so ago, and my candy thermometer broke after I'd made it. So I had to purchase a new one and apparently their 'heating times' are different, the second batch with the new therm. got cooked a little too long... so I feel your pain! I'm about ready to be done with the candy baking, at 7.5 months pregnant and 4 days away from Christmas... I'm ready for a nap!

No Cool Story said...

Dumb squirrel, yeah, cavities will show it.
Sorry, sounds like a lot of work. But hey, think of all the calories you are not consuming.

Oh, The Joys said...

Aw. That's terrible!

Gabriela said...

what a bad squirrel. No Christmas spirit whatsoever. :)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I'm so sorry. I can totally relate to the sobbing.

Don't you wish our great grandmothers could come back from the dead, and show us how to make everything from scratch without the fancy gadgets? Somehow stuff turned out for them.

Pam said...

I can totally picture this in my head as I read about your candy making experience! What comes to mind is that stupid ground hog or whatever that thing was from the movie Caddy Shack. Remember?

Merry Christmas to you and your family! It will be wonderful - even with one less pan of toffee:)

Gina said...

Millie's got that right! Wouldn't that be nice?

Sorry about your wasted energy and more importantly that butter and sugar. It's just a sad story... I wanna cry too!

Homemaker said...

You are not alone my dear friend. Okay so I just read your blog for the first time, but after reading this I know we would be dear friends. This was the first year I decided to make the neighbors a plate of goodies they would never forget. Well the first dish I tried was "Easy Chocolate Truffles". I had three little ones tired of their mommy slaving over the "Easy Chocolate Truffles" so I decided to speed up the process a little. In this recipe you make a chocolate ball and then dip it in white chocolate and there you go. Well I made the balls just fine, but then started dropping the balls into an all too hot pot of white chocolate. Soon I didn't have balls or white chocolate, but melted swirls. It was a bunch of muck. I tried to salvage by rolling them into ball anyway. No luck. I'll try again next year, but this time I think I'll start months in advance. (The recipe did say they freeze for three months. Who cares if they tast like frozen meat, at least they'll look pretty and I won't have the stress.)