I'm At That Stage

My husband calls it the self-loathing stage.

It's that point of writing a big paper that your idea feels old, you feel like you're not getting to the real point, you can't think of any way to get yourself out of the corner you wrote yourself into, and the deadline is looming in a big way.

And you don't much want to finish it anymore anyway but it would be really terrible - not to mention, totally lame - if you don't.

Usually, he says, this comes on most strongly when you've procrastinated, which I have not (this time). But I still feel like banging my head against a brick wall, throwing up, and/or blowing it all off to go play in the (yay!!!) sunshine. Yeah, 83 degrees today and I have to go to the library quiet room.

And think about Tolstoy's literary devices in War and Peace. And listen to the clock tick. And get the thing written.

I just can't pump these things out in mere hours, the late night/early morning before it's due anymore. That makes me feel old and stodgy.

And I'm a little paralyzed at the moment because it doesn't look good yet and I really, really want this one to be good. It's probably my last school paper ever.

Plus, I'm not drinking coca-cola anymore so I have no substance abusive buzz to help me make it through.

Stupid healthy eating.

Stupid paper.

Stupid me. Why did I sign up to do this again?

Yep, I'm at that stage.

(You might not see me again until this is all over...in a week or so.)