6.07.2007

A Quiz

Select the event that did not occur during a 45-minute visit to Wal-Mart today:

a. Henry opened a pump of Dial soap and squirted and rubbed it all over his hands when we were at exactly the farthest point from any running water.

b. Both boys squealed and giggled in high-pitched cartoon voices incessantly, when they weren't bamming each other in the head with various items in the cart.

c. Henry bit the *@$% out of Calvin's hand because Calvin called him a baby.

d. They broke open a bag of flossing picks by bamming each other with it, then spilled it three different times (after I took it away and concealed it three different times), and then the clerk spilled it at the register, after I told him that it was opened.

e. Calvin figured out how to open the Shout stain remover and nearly squirted it in Henry's eyes.

f. Calvin asked me why I was crying and I told him I wasn't crying, but I was going to if they didn't stop acting like idiots. And a lady looked at me like I needed to be hauled away.

g. A lady stopped me to ask where I find maternity clothes because she has a daughter who is a big girl like me and all she can find are tiny clothes for women with toothpick thighs and little basketball bellies.

h. While we were in the bathroom, Calvin had to use the toilet but didn't tell me until I had already sat down, so I told him to crawl under the door of "our" stall so it wouldn't have to be unlocked (I know, germ city, but desperate times...) and find a stall. But instead of going under the door, he started under the wall into the next stall, where another lady was sitting.

i. Henry started crying huge dramatic buckets of tears when I told him we were not going to ride the dinosaur or get a bouncy ball from the machines by the door because he had not behaved well in the store. ("IIIII'lllll beeeee niiiice, nowwwww, Moooooooom! IIIII'llllll beeeeeeee niiiiice!") And more than one person looked at me like I was the harshest disciplinarian in the world...or at least like I should just let him ride the #$^% thing so that he would be quiet, for crying out loud.

j. I left feeling extremely sweaty and immensely irritated, but strangely pleased that I had gotten everything on my list in only 45 minutes, with a vow that I will not return there with children any time soon.

k. None of the above.

24 comments:

T with Honey said...

Rough shopping trip. I can so identify with A, I and J. Haven't other parents every heard the Rolling Stones. "You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want." I LOVE singing that one to my baby.

ksl said...

I have had shopping trips just like that! It is rough to be a Mom who actually makes her kids do what they are supposed to, but if you hadn't gotten on to them the same people who look at you like you are a bad mom would look at you like you have bad kids. Great job getting out in 45 minutes! I always take at least an hour.

I sing that song to my kids all the time ,too! My 3 year old would scream if you cry sometimes you get what you need!!! No honey TRY.

Theresa said...

Have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and THANKFULLY outgrew it!!! You are a brave woman! Overdue & taking the kids to the store--I would find somewhere to tie them up first! (just kidding!)

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

K: None of the above. Surely you're sitting at home, drinking ice water by the gallons, gazing at the psycho squirrels in your yard, lining up babysitters and eating juicy strawberries from your pick fest ... all the while your children are coloring on your day planner.

Right?? :)

No Cool Story said...

K.
Right?

Sorry T, I'm so sorry. But you know, the good thing is that when they are older they'll be super extra nice to you becuase they'll remember days like these and they WILL know you allowed them to live.
They owe you big time :)

Real said...

Was it raining?

I think it's something in the water.

I thought you had sworn off shopping?

michelle said...

I'm going go with K. I have had days like this and my son is now 11. LOL... When he was little I had such a hard time with the parents who would laugh and say "He's just all boy!" I didn't like that I thought it was an excuse for him to misbehave, now I see Nathan is just all boy!

Hope you are all rested now.

Morning Glory said...

Definitely K - none of the above. Final answer.

You poor thing!

Terina said...

awesome. my favorite was g. wow, i don't know if i could have held my tongue with her. did you also mention that you were busting at the seams and were about to deliver????? cause i'm sure you weren't like this even two months ago. some people....
i feel like this sometimes in the store. just think what fun it will be with 3!!! hope you deliver soon!

My Ice Cream Diary said...

If it were me the answer would be J. I have never been able to get out of Wal-Mart in under an hour, and no matter how long I am there I ALWAYS forget something on my list (usually stamps).

I would have given a black eye to the sweet lady asking about big maternity clothes (Grrrrr!)

Jan said...

Reminds me of the time that my two had a nuclear meltdown because I didn't have time to stop in the toy section, and I ended up literally dragging them out of the store by their little arms, kicking and screaming, after they threw themselves down on the floor and refused to get up.

An Ordinary Mom said...

All I can say is, "I'm sorry your 45 minute adventure at Wal-Hud was so unpleasant."

Liz said...

I'm going to choose J because there is no way in THE CHICKEN that this can all happen in 45 minutes and you still leave with everything on your list unless you are SUPERMOM.

which you are.

But I'm still going with J

Kari C in FL said...

I just found your blog! I loved this post! I often feel like I am the only person going to completely lose her mind in Walmart with my 2 kids - and mind you - my dd is 8 and the other is 2. You would think they could get along in the store! I keep telling myself it is just a season and soon they will be grown up. Thanks for making me laugh this morning!

Nobody said...

All this Walmarting is making me sweaty!

Dang, THAT was a rough outing. Did you want to laugh a little bit when the floss picks fell out at the checkout? I mean, you warned the clerk, right?

Also, that picture of you on your due date---you look tiny. I know you don't feel it, but I was very surprised. Just because you don't have toothpick thighs...

I have NEVER cleared a list at Wal-Mart in under 45. That's phenomenal.

It's just me... said...

I agree with nobody - you should be so proud that you got out of there in 45 minutes.

Like the rest of the moms on here, I've had shopping trips like this....and it sure helped to read and know that I am not alone.

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

It sounds like too much to be true, but I know it is! I'm glad that you can show your humor by posting about it. I had an L experience in the mall when Amanda was 3 or 4. I told her that if she didn't hold my hand or walk right beside me and stop running off that we would leave. So, after warning her a couple of times probably, we left. She screamed about "another chance" several times, and I told her she had had chances and she kept running off. People looked at me like I was crazy, but I was doing the right thing.

S said...

I think you should have used a CODE YELLOW on yourself and hide in the bathroom! Eating pineapple of course!

Scribbit said...

Whichever it was you had one heck of a trip!

Mommy Dearest said...

K

I'm guessing they all occurred!

Pam said...

now that sounds like my kind of day:) Wild and crazy as ever!!!

Hope you are feeling great!

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

Is he here yet?!?!

I have a new rule, effective immediately.

You need to post if you're on your way to the hospital - so people in the computer aren't wondering if you're in labor, or just having a blog clog. OK??

Amber said...

I have a confession to make. Even though my kids are EXTREMELY good in public (home is another matter), I don't care if they have public meltdowns at Wal-Mart. Target, however? We're on our best behavior. :-)

My sympathies...

Gina Conroy said...

And that's why I quit taking my kids shopping with me!:)

Boy,it's been a long time since I've been around! Can't wait to catch up on the posts!!!