1.23.2007

The Guilt Just Sneaks in Sometimes

Astuteness in a 4-year-old is one of those treasures of parenthood. Sometimes thrilling that a little mind can work like that and figure things out that you don't remember contemplating before. And sometimes a little heart-breaking that a little mind can figure things out that you never vocalize but are nonetheless a leeeetle bit true...

Calvin has hit a rough phase since about Christmas time and I've been a little at a loss and too tired to do much except bemoan my fate as a mother of a 2-year-old who wants and um, well, a budding reprobate, even though I know the answer is just to give him a little time and a bit more focused TLC.

The climax was last Friday when I had to call Auntie S to come take him away for the afternoon because the only other things I could think of doing were bawling like a baby (while my kids did a victory dance on my listless body) and/or a series of experiments in putting a 4-year-old into orbit. (Again, please don't call the Parenting Police. I called Auntie S, remember?)

Anyway, yesterday I went to an open house for a little preschool that Lily goes to that I am considering enrolling the boys in this fall. (Can you believe I have to start thinking about this in January?!) This morning, Cal said to me while I was dressing him for the co-op preschool: "Mom, do you want me to go to preschool so that the house is quiet while you snuggle with Henry?"

And now I must remove the little knife from my heart and really be a nice mom when he gets home today. And I suppose military boarding school is not something I could really go through with after all.

Although the house is remarkably quiet...

13 comments:

Morning Glory said...

I think kids are born smarter than they used to be. Bless his little heart. Bring in the snuggle patrol.

(and by the way, we've all been where you are, so you're not alone)

GranolaGirl12 said...

Break your heart! How cute and sad all at the same time... I'm so sorry it's been a struggle lately. Do you think they KNOW that another child is on the way? And then they act out accordingly?

Sketchy said...

Ohhhh, that is a little dagger isn't it. Makes you just want to wrap your arms around him tight.

How about "Mommy just knows that you are getting to be such a big boy that you need to be out doing more fun things during the day..."

Theresa said...

Every kid reacts to the thought of separation a little differently, but it does "getcha" when they say things like THAT! It's okay, you will get through this and have enough energy to deal with them all soon. 2's and 4's have more energy and wants than any adult can deal with by themselves.

Dawn said...

Wow, out of the mouths of babes! I grew up in a very rambunctious, noisy household, and I don't think it was ever quiet for my mom! But I took up walking for solitude!

I feel for you, pregnant with a 2 and 4 year old - boys! Blessings!

Pam said...

So sweet. He sounds like he has a very kind heart - all wrapped up in a very busy little boy:)

Hang in there!

megachick said...

even when you feel like you're doing your best by them, sometimes they find that small (or not so small) spot with a little dagger and make you rethink what you're doing. oh, the agony.

Randi said...

Sometimes a little peace and quiet is a necessity for a mommy!

Tammy said...

Yep, I have been there, and sometimes still am! They can be so perceptive!
Sometimes, out little ones individually go through certain stages and they're not so pleasent to be around, frankly...at least for huge intervals at a time.

And we mommies all need our breaks to re-group!
As a home school mom, they are harder to come by, but that's where Daddy comes in on some evenings! ;)

Lei said...

Yep - just when you think you've found the prefect window through which to toss them, they go and say something freaking cute like that. We appear to have boys about the same age... gotta love them!

Amanda said...

Ouch that hurts! Definitely some extra cuddling time is in order. For momma too. I had the hardest time being pregnant with my last one and feeling well enough to give enough to each of my children. It is tough. Hang in there. You are a great mommy!!

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

A little guilt is a good thing. It helps to put things in perspective, sometimes.

A little quiet in the house is a good thing, too. Especially when you start to forget what quiet sounds like!

What a sweet little guy.

Gabriela said...

It's been one of those days here with my boys-so I hear where you are coming from wanting a little peace and quiet- unfortunately for me mine didn't say anything cute that made me feel guilty for wanting to run to my room and lock the door until the morning :).

What will I do if I have another on???